God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
