the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
