sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
