Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
