bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
