my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
