we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
