Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
