Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
