marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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