Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
