Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
