i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
