i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
