Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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