i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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