dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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