I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
