I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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