just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
