Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
