thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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