Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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