im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
