I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Your cock deserves a montage
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
