so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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