Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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