Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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