just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
