dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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