how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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