you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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