sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
