Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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