p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
