Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
