You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
