How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
