your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
