i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
