Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
