So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
