I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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