Sorry, I don't speak sober.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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