Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
