i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
