On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
