OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
