dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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