AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
