grandma shit on top of the toilet
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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